Finding Your Own Happiness
People are fixated on finding happiness, and there’s a lot of buzz right now about what that means—“Does it spark joy?,” “You’ve got to find what you love and let it kill you.” “Find your passion.” “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.” “Enjoy the little things.”
But what is happiness and how do we really know we are happy?
Some say it’s about feeling in control of your own destiny. Parts of the scientific community measure happiness as “subjective well-being,” or simply put, how much one likes the life one lives. The ancient greeks believed, “Happiness is the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential.”
Regardless of how happiness is defined in academic terms, most of us know what happiness is even if we struggle to accurately define it—we know it when we feel it!
But perhaps too often we recognize and associate happiness with a fleeting moment instead of taking into consideration the vast constellation of experiences and processes that led us to that moment. For example, I remember feeling extremely happy when I got into my first-choice university—a memory that centers around opening a large envelope with my mom and the ensuing celebration.
What I don’t consider to be part of that joyous occasion are all the things that made it possible: the hundreds of hours spent studying, writing essays, and preparing for interviews.
To the contrary, those memories are particularly arduous and joyless, but one could not have existed without the other.
The pathway to happiness frequently gets the short end of the stick. In reality, the pathway is literally the “finding happiness” part. The more we can associate and recognize finding our own sense of happiness with where we spend 90% of our time, the happier we’ll be.
Which is to say that finding happiness is a fluid process. It’s a journey to be explored—made up of numerous potential inflection points—not a destination to be reached.
For me now, exercising and pushing myself physically are experiences that keep me happy. One of the most motivating things my trainer has ever told me is that fitness is not achieved but rather earned every single day. You are renting a fit and healthy body and have to pay up on a regular basis to keep it.
That realization put a lot into perspective for me. Most days won’t be filled with the exuberance of crossing the finish line or achieving your personal best, but there’s real-world value in learning to appreciate the simple joy of showing up and being present for the process.
Happiness is something that’s worked on and achieved over time, not something that arrives at your doorstep because you’ve been a good person.
So, in conclusion, finding your own happiness is truly about enjoying the process, whatever that process may be. Happiness is something that’s earned and cultivated, not simply a state of being.